Brest Cancer

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April 1, 2016 at 5:02 am  #1273487    


My girlfriend 31yrs just dx breast cancer and doesn’t want to talk to me about it. We talk and act if she dose not have cancer. Is this health?

April 1, 2016 at 10:34 am  #1273489    
JimC Forum Moderator
JimC Forum Moderator

Hi cooz,

Welcome to GRACE. I am so sorry to hear of your girlfriend’s diagnosis, and I hope that treatments are very successful for her.

Each person deals with a cancer diagnosis in a unique way, and some prefer to do as she has – act as though it has not happened. As long as she is following up with appointments and treatments, there is nothing wrong with it. It may be that you are the type of person who likes to talk issues like this out fully, but it may be that in order to best support her you’ll need to just be there for her if she decides to talk about it.

There is a post on Denial as a Coping Mechanism which may help you.

Good luck to both of you,

Forum moderator

Jul 2008 Wife Liz (51/never smoker) Dx Stage IV NSCLC EGFR exon 19
4 cycles Carbo/alimta, 65% shrinkage
Tarceva maintenance
Mar 2010 progression, added Alimta, stable
Sep 2010 multiple brain mets, WBR
Oct 2010 large pericardial effusion, tamponade
Jan 2011 progression, start abraxane
Jun 2011-New liver, brain mets, add Tarceva
Oct 2011-Dx Leptomeningeal carcinomatosis; pulsed Tarceva
At rest Nov 4 2011
Since then:

November 22, 2016 at 4:18 am  #1289239    

If she talking like she does not have cancer then probably she wants to let go away the pain and wants to enjoy the life with you.

November 23, 2016 at 2:25 pm  #1289247    


I am so sorry your girlfriend has breast cancer. I want to just agree with what JimC said, that each person deals with it differently. While my wife and I have been open with people about her lung cancer, we don’t let it define our lives. Most days are treated like any other day, at least from my end, except for my daily check-in with her to see how the side effects of treatment are doing. At the moment we’re more worried about our dog’s back and how to make a good gluten-free apple pie for my daughter than my wife’s cancer (at least we act that way). Each day is a blessing, and it is up to each person to decide how their cancer diagnosis will fir into the mix.

The best thing you can do is just be there for her – so she knows if she ever wants to talk about it, you’re there for her. I know that some of the most meaningful support we have had is just those moments when we get a note or message from someone saying “Just thinking about you. Letting you know we’re here if you ever need us”.

All the best of luck to you both – I’ll be thinking of you,

Wife, lifelong non-smoker, dx 4/24/15 adeno NSCLC stage IV, poorly diff. 2 bone mets, 1 lymph node. HER2 Exon 20 mutation. 6x Carbo/Alimta – >50% reduction in primary tumor, lymph nodes, & bone. Alimta maint. not effective, tumor growth, new liver mets. 11/15 – Opdivo; Not effective-add’l growth. 4/16 – clinical trial drug, large reduction of tumor and mets. 11/16-tumor growth, liver mets stable. 2/17-All Stable. 8/17- Add’l growth-off trial, 9/17 Gemzar- tumor reduction, then stable.

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